Attention, farmers! You need therapy. Here’s why.

I remember vividly the first time I went to therapy. 

I had been grappling with some family challenges at the time, and I just couldn’t make sense of them. I felt as though my thoughts never slowed down; it was as if my mind was operating a thousand steps ahead of the rest of me. It was exhausting, to say the least.

Thinking I could figure it out on my own, I spent literal months suffering in relative silence, to the point where I thought I was going crazy—whatever that meant. All I really knew was that I couldn’t take the conga line of criticisms that had taken up space in my head. I had arrived at a point where instead of creating reasons why I shouldn’t go to therapy, I was easily able to think of a multitude of reasons why I had to. The one thing I wasn’t sure of was if I deserved to heal, but I was willing to find out.

Deciding is the hardest part.

There is a giant stigma around going to therapy, and it’s especially monstrous in the Canadian agriculture space. Where other people seem like their decision to attend therapy was the easiest one they’d ever made, farmers and people connected to the ag sector spend more time worrying about what others might think if their attendance at weekly therapy ever got out. If this struggle sounds familiar, here’s my honest-to-gawd question to you. 

What’s the worst that could happen?

Well, for many farmers and people in ag, they’re afraid their therapist will not be connected to an agricultural lifestyle and will not understand their very unique stressors. We know this because of the small, but significant research studies that have been done on Canadian farmers and mental health.

This is a relevant concern, for sure. The relationship you have with your therapist is the most significant part of how therapy affects you, more so than any other therapeutic factor. So, it makes sense that farmers and ag folks worry that their therapist won’t “get it,” as not many therapists are also farmers.

What the heck happens in therapy, anyway?

If you’ve never been to therapy before, you probably have no idea what to expect of your first session. Since farmers don’t typically go to therapy, it’s also not very likely that you have farmer friends who go to therapy and speak openly about it, which would then give you an idea of how a therapy session unfolds. 

Unknown or non-existent expectations are another reason why farmers don’t go to therapy or take a long time to commit to going. Therapy is new, and can feel VERY scary. I absolutely understand that. While each individual therapist out there can and will “do therapy” differently, here are some common practices you can expect from your first few sessions:

• An intake form and/or session. This is either a long, fillable form, your first session, or both. The intake form/session is meant solely to gather information about you, your history, why you’re coming to therapy now and what your goals are for therapy, if you have them (it’s totally okay if you don’t).

• Confidentiality and consent. You need to consent to participating in therapy with your therapist. To do that, it’s imperative your therapist explain to you that everything you talk about in your sessions is confidential. There are only four very specific exceptions to this rule: if you’re suicidal, homicidal, your therapist is subpoenaed by a court, or if it’s discovered you have previously been taken advantage of by another health professional. These happen rarely, but your therapist is duty bound to keep you safe and will take appropriate action to maintain that safety if these instances come up.

• You get to talk A LOT. Your therapist will ask you questions like how you’ve been feeling lately, when you noticed certain feelings for the first time, and how you’re feeling about being in session with the therapist. They’ll also ask you if you’ve ever thought of hurting yourself or someone else; it’s a question we’re obligated to ask as mental health professionals to gauge your mental health status. Questions mean you must be (at least somewhat) prepared to speak up. It might feel a bit weird at first, telling your tales to a stranger, but that’s okay and very common.

• It’s going to feel weird. Speaking of which, feelings like general discomfort, an increase in shyness, a tight throat, or jumbled thoughts are all very common responses to attending your first few therapy sessions. You’re doing something new, which always feels strange, and you’re also learning to trust your therapist and the therapeutic space. This can take some time so, again, feeling uncomfortable is totally common. Feel free to tell your therapist about it.

• Do a serious vibe check. If you’ve had a few sessions with your therapist and you’re STILL feeling super weird and uncomfortable, let them know. It might mean that you’re not clicking or vibing with that particular therapist, and that is completely okay. Hopefully, your therapist will provide you with some referrals you can reach out to who they feel would be a better fit based on the sessions you’ve had together, because…

• You need to be honest. I tell every single one of my clients this in their very first session >>> if you cannot be honest in therapy, you’re wasting the time and money of both you and your therapist. Being honest is about being vulnerable, so trusting the person with whom you’re being honest is paramount. If you don’t feel emotionally safe with your therapist, do yourself (and your therapist) a huge solid and ask for a referral or find another therapist you think you CAN be honest with.

I typically ask my clients to come in once a week for the first four sessions so that we can keep building trust and continue to forge the relationship between us. By the fourth week, both of us usually know whether we are going to make a good team, and figure out a longer-term commitment from there.

It gets worse before it gets better. (sorry not sorry)

Sometimes, my clients come to session feeling super frustrated with themselves, with me, with the therapeutic process, or all of those things. Clients have sat across from me in session and told me they feel like I’m not helping them. I’ve had clients tell me they both love and seriously hate me! These are all very common feelings to have when you’re wading deep into the therapeutic process.

Healing takes time. Lasting change that results from healing does not happen overnight, or over the course of four or five sessions of talk therapy. Yes, there are specialised therapies, like psychedelics and EMDR, that can yield results sooner than talk therapy. But more often than not, you’re going to feel worse before you start to feel better.

Does this suck? Absolutely. Do I wish none of my clients had to go through this suck phase of healing? Of course! And yet, each of my clients has struggled through this part because we have worked together and built a trusting relationship where they know they'll get through it. 

Therapy is not unlike a growing season; in fact, the analogy is quite exact. Working ground in the spring is like doing some reading, poking around the internet to see which therapists might be a good fit and then deciding to reach out to one or two. Planting/seeding is much like attending the first session and the two or three following: your trust in your therapist AND in yourself is taking root. The longer-term commitment of therapy is very much like witnessing your crops grow: there will be some stormy weather, dry spells, pests and other challenges, so getting through the season means relying on your trust and knowing you’re doing what you can to make it through. It’s hard, but you know you can get there.

Then comes harvest, the time where you reap what you’ve sown. My ultimate goal as a therapist is to help you grow and heal to the point where you don’t need me anymore. Harvest is the time when you’ve changed to the point of personal growth and can confidently take the lessons, tools and skills you’ve learned and apply them to affect change, in your relationships, your life and in yourself. 

Therapy with an ag-informed therapist be like…

While I love supporting farmers and ag folks as a therapist through all the different phases of therapy, letting a client go is probably my favourite part. Believe me, I know how backward that sounds! The thing is, I always feel intensely grateful to witness someone’s personal and emotional growth, but I am most humbled when that person walks out of my office and into the rest of their life with a level of trust, compassion and confidence in themselves that they were sure they’d never have. Knowing that a client has what they need to create the mindset, relationships and life they never knew they deserved, and that I was able to help them facilitate that kind of change, is the most rewarding part about being a therapist for farmers. 

This work is hard; therapy is hard. But just because it’s hard doesn’t mean you are not worth the work. No matter what you think someone might say or how you think you might feel in therapy, the alternative—that is, continuing to live in a state of seriously challenging mental health—is worse. You deserve to feel supported and seen and validated in your feelings. You deserve a therapist who understands both the joys AND struggles of being a farmer in this century. But most importantly, you deserve to feel better than how you’ve been feeling. And that’s the only thing that matters.